Nineteen-Ninety-Seven

8/27/97--"Cherish" is about youth and innocence, and the bizarre joy that comes with it all, for no real reason but it's there, and why ask why? In that hidden line after the last verse, the character suddenly grows a little older. Some experiences that remind me of this sort of feeling would be things like riding in a car at night with the windows wide open with music going and friends you love with you, happy and singing...divine...tranquil...endlessness...transcendence. 9/?/97-- "Untitled" this is about an accepted futility of searching for life's answers which we can't find, because they're too far way outside ourselves and the universe. We can't see the answers-so we go back to our lives for a while. 11/23/97-- "Little Purple Dittie" this serene laid-back little piece of thought just came at a time of not thinking about much, this is just a little dittie followed by a smile. It's the joy in the small unimportant moments of life. Nineteen-Ninety-Eight

2/3-- "Me And the Wolf" is a story about two friends who's souls really bond, and they're just walking down that bumpy road of life for a while. At one point they may separate; and it may be for good and it may not; but for now they'll walk, right straight on 'til morning.

2/26-- "XII" is a poem primarily based on pretty words and painting an interesting picture.

5/?-- "Unfinished" a sad dittie declaring the truth in life, how there are always things left undone...one day it may be too late to do anything about it. Personally for me, I receive great disappointment when I don't make the best of a day, or tell someone what I'm really thinking...it's a sadness we can't erase.

5/11-"5.11.98" is a nice little wish we all have...when our whole world crashing down the thing we want the most is to escape it all, just go away for a while, let go of the worries and all the things that hold us down-we can care about ourselves for a while, sometimes that is also the best thing to do. I think we must remember that sometimes, to keep ourselves healthy.

5/15-- "The Land of oZ" is about finding escape in music, losing yourself in its infinite rhythms and tones...let the music heal the hurt you've been feeling. In the words of Bob Marley: "one good thing about music, when it hits you, you feel no pain."

5/?-- "Just a Thought" is basically what the title says. The theme is to seize the day, make the best out of life. Everything I usually keep to myself I now let out for the first time, and try to make people realize its importance.

5/28-- "Undo" came one day when after a huge fight, I was tired, had a migraine, and nothing left to give...realizing what a mess I was and also knowing I did not know how to stop digging myself deeper, I simply wished to exit out of the battle of life. Some see this as a sad poem, I see it as a peaceful resolution of some sorts, just sort of exit out, content.

?/?-- "Freedom" is based on the summer of '98, and the mystical happenings of Mines Falls Park in Nashua, New Hampshire. It's not a huge forest, but a decent-sized woods I gladly call a part of my home. I vaguely remember writing the beginning of this poem actually in Mines Falls Park. I was with my best friend Ian, at the waterfalls where the entire landscape was just trees, rocks, water, and the beautiful sky. I remember the joy in getting to spend that moment of bliss with him, and I remember him softly strumming his guitar while I wrote on a little piece of paper on top of a rock. This was the first of many times where I really felt a spiritual connection to the place, and in the summer coming just a few months later we would eventually spend much of our time here. "...And we can feel freedom...for now" is a reference to the fact that Ian would be moving soon. Ok, also, what happened was, I wrote half of it sometime between 5/28 and 6/10, and gave the original paper to Ian to finish it off. He finished it once in Utah, but his parents accidentally threw it away, and the poem was lost. The first verse was from the original, but the rest I wrote on February 20, in 1999.

6/10-- "The Island" a poem symbolizing a victory: after abandoning ship, struggling through violent and cold waters-alone-I finally find refuge, a light at the end of the long tunnel, on an island. This poem came after a long struggle in my life, and the joy & relief I found when it was all over. This poem too I actually wrote on 2/20/99, while the concept was on 6/10/98.

6/18-- "Rise Above" is pretty much self-explanatory. I wrote it as an expression of how I always tried to prove myself to my parents, and friends and ultimately God. "Rise Above" is partly a prayer song, praying to give me the strength and the courage to rise up above life's countless worries. It's an upbeat emotional poem, I like it a lot personally.

6/31-- "Lend An Ear" is about wishing for a special unique friend in a time of need.

7/10-- "The Forest" is an ode to nature, something I love very deeply, and could go on and on about forever and ever!

8/1-- "Teepee" Teepee was my dog. He knew something very important, and passed that knowledge to me in his death. That knowledge was to live each day to its fullest, because you never know when your last day will be. Teepee would always run away from home, just roam the city searching for excitement. Although he didn't spent too much time at home, he loved my family and I a lot. He always had a special glimmer in his eyes, his soul was so pure. This poem is dedicated to him, and just gives some of his life and thoughts from his perspective, as best as I can picture it.

8/2-- "Sweet Serene" is a tale of lost love...and one man who isn't quite willing to let go yet-although he has been hurt he keeps a small hope in his heart.

8/9-- "Let It Flow" came from my head to the paper while listening to "Cluster 1" by Pink Floyd...it was a really laid-back weird kind of moment, unexplainable, but ultimately very cool. For some reason, I believe if "Cluster 1" (which by the way is a very good instrumental) had words, these would be it.

8/12-- "Land Beyond the Clouds" is a blend of "#7" and "Undo"...a poem about letting go. The clouds obscure the sun, meaning times aren't very good at the current moment, and sailing away, into a land beyond the clouds, is finding a symbolic place with the worries in the far distance. I wrote this poem because at the time I needed something to hope for, or at least picture as a comfort.

8/21-- "Wish" is a sad poem about a sort of despair about life...looking ahead one day in the summer of '98, I wonder to myself, will I ever grow to be someone? I've always wanted to make some sort of a difference, because otherwise, I would feel life to be somewhat of a waste. I believe we all are in charge of our own destinies, whether they are foreseen or not. Sometimes we just don't hold the strength or the ability to rise above and make a difference...we all wish we could sometimes.

8/?-- "The House in the middle of nowhere" isn't really about anything. Sorry.

9/17-- "'Til Death" is obviously about true love, a love that surpasses death. It's also about making the best of the time together, to build memories for when we part. There is credit needed to be given here where credit is due. "Let us cling to our days together love, let us pursue every moment in time, for we are like grass on the sunlit hill, knowing it must whither and die." I actually borrowed part of that verse from David Wingrove, the author of the Chung Kuo series. The second I read it I felt it was everything I had always tried to say but couldn't quite get it all out right.

9/27-- "9.27.98" is a...nice sort of poem. It's based on many true life moments where I am just outside at night, walking, and I think about all of the good and bad there is in life, and how small we all are in the universe and just the overwhelmingness of it all. It finally came out on paper one of those times when you transcend yourself in the sense that you go from the reality that you are only one person at one given moment in time to the point where you become everyone and everything in every moment gone past and yet to come still. This sentence right here may as well fully describe the feeling I am always trying to go for and what I wish to do for others. The way I think about it is raindrops in a stream. In these short moments in life, we truly become a raindrop in the huge flowing stream, indiscernible from any other drop, because we are all flowing in and out of each other, ultimately one--a whole-in a word Zen. Cherish these moments when they come, but don't think of when they're gone because that takes some of the excitement out of it...still, hold them dear to you and keep them with you once they pass. It's like a little spark of light in the cold darkness, here one moment and gone the next...it symbolizes so much. The instrumental halfway through the poem I had assigned before the music was written. I did it as a take as well as a respectful nod to the glorious masterpiece "Lie In Our Graves" by The Dave Matthews Band. The aim for this is to create a pretty little piece in between the words to give a little time to take in the meaning of the lyrics. Also, a thing I found in "Lie In Our Graves" in my very first listen was that in the jam, I felt myself transcending for the first time-my first real feeling of nirvana. I felt myself looking back at all my life's moments in a mere flash, letting a huge burst of emotion out of me and eventually back in me...a celebration of life in a sense. I believe this is a musician's and poet's first obligation, to celebrate and compliment life. To me, this is by far one of my most important poems. NOTE: If you want a really long feeling of Zen, get your hands on a copy of "Lie In Our Graves" as quickly as possible-in my opinion this song is the closest thing to what music is all about as anyone has ever gotten to my knowledge.

10/8-- "Don't Know" is basically about accepting we do not know what future times may bring, but to just remember to let the love guide us, wherever we do end up. I wrote this when I was feeling very excited about life, and just the positive energy I felt with my friends-eighth grade was when I found, in quantity, people I could truly call friends, for the first time.

11/1-- "Poem For Joanna" is about a girl. The story of this girl and I goes as follows: I met her at a temple class bring-a-friend- day I was invited to by my friend. The moment I saw this girl, a feeling of d�j� vu and something else very strong came over me. At the end of the class, she came up to me as she was saying her good-byes and said, "well I don't know you, but see ya." I gave her a hug, which I cannot explain why I did, but it just sort of happened. We saw each other a few more times, and kept in touch through the internet. Every time we came in contact we became better and better friends...all this time I felt a very strong connection to this soul. One night, when I was very tired, had a headache, and was depressed from missing her, I wrote her a very corny letter basically saying everything I felt about her. We talked the next day, and she revealed to me that she felt the same way...that was the beginning of it.

11/9-- "Sweet Angel" Okay...she eventually broke up with her boyfriend, and we "hooked up." This is a poem I wrote in complete admiration for her, showing her how much I loved her, which was true. I was sitting alone missing her, and this was what came out of it.

11/25-- "11.25.98" after two weeks, things became bad...I had known she had stopped feeling that way about me far before she admitted it, but I was too scared to accept it myself. She ended up sending me a poem telling the complete truth to me. Thus began the worst time of my life. I wrote "#27" the day after she sent me her poem. Until that point, I was feeling worse than I had ever felt in my life. I wrote this when I had writer's block, so I remember having trouble forming the words and making them seem to flow to a certain rhythm...I remember the headache which plagued me like a bone-chilling cold, and the endless feeling of being alone washing over me as my shaking hand tried to get down my thoughts.

11/26-- "Tonight" Whoa...oh boy. I wrote this on Thanksgiving 1998, the day after "#27" came on the paper. Things were just worse than ever, because she was in Arkansas visiting her mom, and I couldn't even talk to her...I became more and more depressed. My family went out for Thanksgiving to a restaurant, I believe it was the Country Tavern. I was sitting there in the restaurant, listening to the countless conversations going on between relatives. My uncle was with her fianc�e, which made me think of Joanna even more. I was tired, depressed, and had a headache once again. I kept to myself, letting all these feelings bubble up inside...somehow, behind my parents' backs, I managed to drink two cups of white wine and one cup of red wine-I thought that being drunk would be better than the state I was already in. Unfortunately, I was dead wrong, and as the alcohol settled I felt the sadness tenfold worse, and demons filled my head. I hid the fact that I was drunk and feeling like shit, to avoid getting into trouble. When I got home, I went to my room and let it all out...the sadness of my entire current life I let out in quiet tears. I was alone, with nobody left to comfort me. I wrote this poem because that is what I wanted to do, just take a walk in the pouring rain...my parents would not let me, because it was raining. I put down my envisioned walk which I took in my head, and the feelings that went along with it. I will always remember that night...I do not think I ever wish to go back to that place again.

11/29-- "11.29.98" is about emotions, and just my thoughts on them at the current time. (this was the day after "Tonight," and I was doing just as bad as the day before.) This poem doesn't make much sense to me, and I don't really remember any idea I had of what it should be like in the first place...of course that's how it works often, I write the first line which for me is simply what's on my mind, and then I elaborate on that subject or I might branch off in different subjects. That's part of the fun of creating an original poem, just the exciting variety of all you could possibly do with it-and when you add music to it, it becomes even more limitless.

11/30-- "November Seas" was yet another expression of my sadness...and a longing to be washed away by those waves for a while. I had hope that as the clock struck midnight and November turned into December, I could put the past behind, all the bad emotions of November could be washed away, forgotten. I came to the conclusion that, sadly enough, you can't stop your emotions from coming, and you need to become strong enough to deal with them without sacrificing yourself to them...you need to come out of it with as little pain as possible.

12/9-- "Glimmerfade" is that grim finality that comes into your mind as you realize it is all over...and the dark future that lurks ahead. I had been listening to a whole lot of Sarah McLaughlin in these times...things with Joanna really weren't going well...she insisted she wanted to be my friend, and yet she treated me like shit, and ignored me at every possibility. "Glimmerfade" is also about not wanting to let go of what you once had...one of the hardest things we all have to face sometimes. This is a very very sad poem if you ask me.

12/12-- "Bad Dream" is based on Thanksgiving '98, like "Tonight." This is just another addition as to what I was feeling that awful night.

12/17-- "Searching" I wrote this in many places: on the plane on the way to Israel late at night on 12/15; in my grandmother's basement late at night on 12/16; and on the toilet seat, feeling the repercussions of eating Israeli food for the first time as I shuddered and tried to write. In December of '98, a wonderful thing happened-for my bar mitzvah my parents took the family to Israel. There's too much to say to fit all of it here. It's suffice to say the moment I breathed Israeli air, I felt like a new person. A bigger realization of life and humanity than I had ever known swept over me as I gazed upon canyons, rivers, lakes, valleys, city lights and seas from my grandmother's very back porch-I could feel myself grow a little older once again. This poem is about searching through life, always climbing to a different level of being, growing each step of the way. As I read this over after it was done, I liked it a lot, because I realized that this was what had been going through my mind a lot the last year or so...unconsciously, I wrote this poem representing the very teenage essence. I can hold this poem close to my heart because I feel it's finally what I've tried to say for a while. That what I got from it anyway.

12/22-- "Little Girl" is just spilling more gasoline on the forest fire concerning the whole deal with Joanna...I suppose this was something that needed to be said, because I guess deep down inside this is part of how I felt. There's a lot of anger and hate in this one, but also an infinite sadness at a situation that cannot be changed. The more the character (well, I) tries, the more he is hurt. Hopefully this one can speak for itself.

12/25-- "Footprints" is a nice little dittie. I wrote this while on a beach in Eilat, a port city in Israel. The sky was such a bright blue, filled with rippled clouds that looked like they must have come from a painting...I looked back at my life and deep thoughts filled me, washing over my soul. On this day I also met a 5-month old puppy on the beach named Ziggy. IN all aspects he was like a little baby version of our old dog Teepee-he even posed for some camera shots the way Teepee did. I also met his owner, a 20-something year-old Baltimore native, who played the guitar. Very cool guy...wherever you now are, I salute you man.

12/27-- "Poem For Ian" This is for (and dedicated to) Ian Langlais...it tells the story of that beautiful summer of '98, when we just made the best out of everyday, still managing not to get sick of each other. We cherished that summer so much because of the fact that in a few months, Ian & his family would be in Utah, half way across the country because of a job transfer. During that summer, our spirits really fused and we both grew a lot older. When he left, I felt very empty...I knew it was only 1000 times worse for him. The line "We'll go dreaming once again" came from "Untitled" actually, and a day before Ian left, I thought of that line and put "farewell my dear friend" before it. I liked it, and knew it must be a part of a poem I would someday write for him. The rest of the poem came late at night in Israel-I was alone, watching somebody's copy of a Pink Floyd concert, which was stunning. I picked up the pencil when I heard the encore: "Wish You Were Here" which happens to be my favorite song too. Although I know our time was cut short, I was content with the time we had. We made the best of what's around.

12/27-- "12.27.98" In one moment, I breathed in a breath of air, and I guess all at once a feeling came in me which is what these words try to describe. It's weird how your thoughts sometimes come from where you are...you receive them by opening yourself up to the spirit of the place.

Nineteen-Ninety-Nine

1/8-- "Dreaming Of Sleep" is a desperate attempt in my opinion to let out my jumbled thoughts one week. My memory of that week was walking in the halls of junior high school, and everyone I saw looked familiar and I felt like there something I had to say to them. But I didn't know who in particular I needed to say this thing to, or even what exactly this thing was. My mind was simply racing in circles, it was all very...awkward. In a word...blah.

1/16-- "Hold Me" is something I wrote mostly on New Year's Eve-in the time that followed I was too damn tired to finish it, really make it end nicely. I worked on it a little on 1/8 and again on 1/16, when I finished it. I was at a party at my friend Jess Evans' house. Sarah Hagler, Paul Bunker, Rory Moylan, Monica Leap, Jess & I were all there. I had just gotten back from Israel the 28th of December. I was incredibly happy to see a lot of my friends again here, but the memory of my terrible heartbreak still haunted me, and I still felt a whole lot of pain because of it. It was on this night that I realized that this was wrong-everyday, I loved Joanna a little more, and she continued to hurt me. I was making myself the victim unconsciously, I guess because of some ego problem I had. But through this all, in particular my friend Monica helped me though it. New Year's Eve, Monica actually made me feel fully alive again, and whole the way I was before all this. I could feel myself drifting away from this pain of seeing Joanna as my only possible soulmate, the one I would live forever just to see again-I could feel myself falling for Monica almost. This poem was...I suppose it was an invitation of some sorts to Monica to just hold me close that night, and perhaps forever more. As of this writing, I had always felt close to Monica, a deep love, and I always felt comfortable and released when she held me...I could never picture her as the one for me though. As of this writing-and I won't change this afterwards whatever happens-I do not know what may come of this thing I have with her.

1/24-- "Winter Sorrow" is a poem about comfort. It was a time in my life and the time of my group of friends' lives when things weren't really going very well-it had been a rough winter for all of us. The thing with the winter seemed to happen annually...the year would be going fine, and boom, right when winter comes around everything would just suddenly go wrong. There was always just a dark, looming feeling of worry and hurt going around. A guess might be from lack of sunlight...that might have had something to do with it. Anyway, that was how we all were doing, and had been doing for every winter before that. This year, I felt it could be different-with these new friends I had found, I felt we could beat the pain this time around, with one another's help. If we all loved each other, we would somehow make it through I felt. I wrote this for a lot of people, but in particular my dear friend Jessica Evans...she was having a rougher time than most I knew. This poem came straight from my heart, where I felt what I felt.

2/? -- "The Girl I Met That Day" is a very old memory to me...older than any other in my life, I think. I was listening to my headphones one day in late January, to a song about lost love. Although I was happy at the time, I suddenly started feeling sad, without really knowing why. As the song continued, I felt sadder still. Finally by the end of the song, a memory started coming to me, a memory of a long long time ago... I was visiting my grandparents in Lexington when I was 3 years old. My grandma had taken me to a nice little Chinese restaurant, and I was just all happy and sleepy and the food was great and I was just peachy in general. Like all little kids do, I was looking around and behind the booth we were in, just curious about seeing who was around. Right behind my booth when I turned around was a little girl apparently my age, who was looking around like I was. We both looked at each other...I felt like I knew her before and somehow felt very close to her. She had somewhat tan skin, deep brown eyes and shoulder-length wavy brown hair-damn she was pretty for a 3-year old!!! We both looked at each other and smiled. We sat there doing just that for about a full two minutes, until my grandma poked me in the shoulder and asked me right in front of the girl if there was something I wanted to say. Suddenly I felt incredibly nervous and I shrunk back in fear, going back to eat my food. She did the same I guess...though I wouldn't know. The girl and her mom left the restaurant while we were still eating...I saw her back as she walked out. I felt sad-somehow I felt like there was something I didn't do. She was the only thing on my mind the next few days...and the entire memory vanished from my mind. Ten years later, while innocently listening to my headphones, the whole thing came back to me. It left me feeling very sad again, at this thing that happened so long ago. She was on my mind again...I felt very strongly that I wanted to find this girl and...marry her or something, I don't know. But anyway, that's the story of this one.

2/3-- "This Dream" is an inspirational piece when I thought about all my life's worries and hurries, and how plain stupid they all were...I could overcome it so easily. This poem also has the carpe diem theme in it.

2/9-- "Last Dance" I wrote when I felt things were going wrong...the world, my friends, everything. A few of my most treasured friends were suddenly calling me stupid and telling me to use my head a whole lot, and I didn't really understand it. Had I changed at all...? The only thing I saw was the people around me changing. But I felt like I couldn't do anything right...I felt alone. I no longer really had any strong connection with friends except Ian, who I didn't really get to talk to very much seeing he was in Utah. Somehow things looked over...everything that had happened before in this year no longer mattered...this was how it was going to be.

2/21-- "Cherish Outro" The name explains this one-it came after the poem "Cherish" was put to music. Basically I was playing the song one day and started mumbling stuff at the end and it stuck with the song.

2/22-- "Up To Me" is about wishing you could help your friends more than you really can...at one point, we all learn that there's a point where we can't help anymore, no matter how much we love them.

4/4-- "'Til the Morning Light" came late at night, around 4 am. I was outside in my backyard, watching the river behind the fence, all the way down the steep hill of sand dunes and pine needles. It was truly a zen moment, where all the dreams and memories of my life just rushed back to meet me, and fill my soul. I was also thinking about Joanna...very recently we both had become very close friends, the way I always had wanted it to be. We had talked for about 4 hours very late one night, just about everything and what was on our minds. She remained the single most real person in my life...compared to her, most other people seemed to be pre-programmed robots. She stuck out somehow...and now on this night I thought a lot about her, and what might come of us. I really could picture me still knowing her 'til the day I died.

4/22-- "Wake Up" is a humanitarian plea that points out there are so many problems in the world, and love is our only key to salvation.

4/22-- "4.22.99" is what I believe, looking in hindsight, just an introduction to "Cloud." Both poems came during a time of inner and outer confusion, and both "#48" and "Cloud" are open to interpretation. I'd like to know what you think about these two, what you get out of them...because I sure as hell don't have a clue.

4/28-- "Cloud" was a poem that very effectively dodged the thought-processes, and the areas of the mind that assemble thoughts so that they make sense instead of just being strange jargon, which is what this poem is.

5/15-- "From the Eagle's Wings" was written at my mom's friend Johannah's house in Lexington. I was sitting on the couch, listening actually to the Indigo Girls with my aunt. It was a sunny day, and I hadn't written anything in a while, so I figured I should write something seeing it was a somewhat inspiring moment. What came out didn't really have any relavance to my life at the moment.

5/16-- "Ghost" was written in the car of an Orthodox Rabbi's van, going home from Mt. Monadnok. Most Orthodox Rabbis are real asses, but Rabbi Krinsky is great. He is open-minded and therefore lacks the weaknesses of most Rabbis of his type. We had a great spiritual conversation going up the mountain, and continued at the top. Also, once at the top we met a group of three twenty-something-year olds from Utah, who were really cool. We talked to them a lot, as well as with the famous Larry-a man who climbs the mountain everyday and has for-as of May 16th-2,573 days. He was great too, and when I asked him what his perspective on underwear was he replied: "I don't do underwear." I mean, if you think about it, 7 years every day of sweaty, soggy, wet underwear? I know I wouldn't be able to take it personally. I realized that day what a distinct culture there was among the people who climbed mountains-laid-back, funny, smart, many vegetarians...it was a great day, and even though it has no relevance to the poem I thought the story should be shared.

5/22-- "Soul's Cry" was written the night of a school dance. I knew there had been stuff wrong with Joanna for a while, stuff in her head she needed to work out...well that night I learned the truth basically. In short...Joanna felt that Jay-the boyfriend she had before me-was her best boyfriend she'd ever had, and that if I hadn't come along she probably would still have been with him. At that point, I felt like I really wasn't a full person-just a small piece of this girl's life that didn't really matter anymore. If I had known she would feel this way, I truly never would've come into her life. This was my soul's cry.

6/2-"6.2.99" is a "Little Girl"-type poem. It had been an explosive few days. On Wednesday, the day before I wrote this, I was talking to my friend Rory, who suddenly began trashing me extremely hard. He said that I was a fraud, always acting happy when I was in fact ripped up inside, that I still needed Joanna, and that generally I was a nervous wreck inside and was too scared to admit it. I denied it, because as far as I consciously knew I was fine, and pretended not to think much of what he said. Also, around this time my parents found a house that they really wanted to move into, and I got the impression that it would be soon-this fact was nagging at me a whole lot. Also of course, school work and problems that friends had constantly filled my mind. On Thursday, the date of this poem, I was talking to Jess Duplessis who was having a sort of rough night. My sister wanted me to help her with her homework. So I put Jess on hold, and concentrated on helping her. This got very frustrating though, because my sister doesn't understand what I say especially in math, and I'm a lousy teacher anyway. My mom misinterpreted my frustration as being in result of not wanting to help her as much as I wanted to "do my own thing." Basically this stemmed an argument which blew up to unhealthy levels, and at one point after being grounded, having my phone and guitar taken away, I actually physically pushed my mom which was a BIG mistake. It's not something I'm proud of in hindsight, or at the time, but I was acting on my anger's part at the time. Anyway I wrote this before I calmed down.

6/4-"Kissing the Still Water" has a noticeably different theme than its most-recent neighboring poem, written only two days prior. The story was that on the day after the big argument, I saw that my friends really cared about me, so I could open up more. I worked stuff out with my parents about what had happened-even though I was still punished. On Saturday, I saw a really good film called At First Sight. I won't go into too many details about it but basically the main character reminded me a lot of myself because he was always so cheery but hid many parts of himself to others, even to himself. By the end of the movie, he had learned to open up, and to accept fully who he was. This got me thinking about what Rory had said about me before, how I held stuff in. The more I really thought about it, the more I realized it was true. It was a subconscious thing I did...because things that might've happened a long time ago and didn't really matter anymore still affected me emotionally, my mind hid things from me for my own good, or so it thought. If this is confusing, I'm really sorry but I'm still trying to figure it out too. So anyway, I set up these safeguards for myself that didn't let me cross certain lines in my own thinking, because I subconsciously thought it would protect me. The truth couldn't have been farther off though-in hiding, I wasn't accepting certain parts of myself and in turn that was really what was hurting me, and causing me to blow up. Once I realized this, I could fully accept who I was, and from there learn to improve the bad parts of me. This was really a big step for me...because once "in the rain, nothing is hidden."

6/6-"6.6.99" was written the solemn and intense day we found out we were moving from Nashua into the town of Wilton. (later was changed to Lyndeborough.) It was a very emotional day...a crossroads in life as I pondered the many changes life would face now...the biggest worry of mine was becoming disattached from friends.

6/10-"Thinking Of You" was written while watching a Cure live concert vdeo my loved friend Jess Duplessis lent to me-I thought as I watched how every time I heard the Cure, I thought of her and smiled.

6/19-"Came & Went" is basically about Jess Duplessis' end-of-year party. It was an exciting emotionally-charged night. We all swam in the pool, shot baskets, and Chris Wilkinson, Brian Donovan & Corey Holt brought their instruments and did a show in Jess's back yard. At a few points Rory grabbed the mike and started singing "Faith" by Limp Biskit while Chris tried to maintain control over the mike. Rory & I moshed, which was fun, and Paul Bunker sang a Pennywise song. Aaron and I jammed to Lie In Our Graves, and I tought Chris it after. I also found out that Chris's favorite chord was an Eadd9, which was mine too. Hugging Becky for at five full minutes was great, a true moment of transcendance. Jess was having some problems, still trying to get over Chris after all the time she had been in love with him and that conflict was in play too. All that remains of the problems of the night in my mind is Jess hugging me and I leaning my head on her shoulder as we sat on the grass as she softly cried.

6/24-"Heaven's River" is about a girl I met at Joanna's end-of-year party the day after Jess's. Her name was Whitney and she was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen, both inside and out. I felt like I could see within her eyes and feel her whole soul, all of who she was and it was truly great. I only got to talk to her a little bit, but somehow we both became really good friends in two days and knew a whole lot of each other. It was at this point that for the first time in my life I felt truly over Joanna and it was a feeling of freedom that let me wonder what tomorrow might bring. I had fallen down this year, and had come back up again now and I felt like now was the time when something really good was supposed to happen-and then I met Whitney. I wrote this in Mines Falls Park sitting on the grass near the river, and damn it was muggy. I sweat all over the paper I wrote it on and it was really gross...Shadow was with me, jumping in the water chasing rocks I threw in for him. It was a gorgeous day and I felt wonderful, embracing life and all it's tomorrows. With Whitney I knew I didn't want to rush anything, and I wasn't even sure if I wanted anything more than a strong friendship with her, and I knew I didn't want to make life complicated for either of us, because she was in a very crucial time where things needed to be calm and she needed something to hold onto.

6/25-"Nothing More, Nothing Less" was written in bed at midnight, while I was just thinking about Whitney, and the rest of my life. It came out all in one piece basically, just a stream of thoughts. I was feeling like we were just two people in life, trying to get by and be happy.. I felt like I wanted to explore our love, but somehow in a way that was slow and gradual and just worked for both of us during this hectic time in both of our lives.

6/29-"Poem For Whitney" is obviously a poem for Whitney. I wrote the poem the night after I had gone over Whitney's house. We hung out in her brother's nice air conditioned room, then when it started raining, we went outside and danced 'til the thunder got really loud...it was just a great great day.

7/5-"Night Ramblings" is basically what it says...I was really just up late at night and wrote a little dittie about nothing.

7/7-"The Last Second" was written a few minutes before midnight one night...I was watching the movie Simon Birch and it was really just inspirational and touching and made me cry like a baby...afterwards I figured I'd write a poem about being dead and this came out.

7/13-"All You Hold" was the first poem I wrote at NGW-the National Guitar Workshop. The summer of '99 I was blessed enough to be sent to the Workshop in Connecticut to improve my guitar-playing skills and musicianship. When I got there it was just stunning to see so many musicians, it completely blew my mind. That three weeks were some of the most intense weeks of my life. I wrote "All You Hold" outside the concert hall of the workshop around 10:00 pm...I was outside in the chilly breeze with my two new friends, Jon and Chuck. They both were very very cool musical mature guys who happened to like Phish and the Grateful Dead a whole lot. I was just talking to them and got inspired to write a song. It came out in a very clumsy manner-I strummed chords that just spontaneously popped into my mind with lyrics that equally-spontaneously popped into my mind. I liked some of what I had done, so I polished it up.

7/14-"Garden Of Inspiration" was written in Jon & Chuck's dorm room at the Workshop. The first week I was there we made it a ritual for me to sneak into their room past curfew and hang out until the wee hours of the night. We were all just talking about music and life and love and I felt myself grow a little older again. This poem was pretty much a stream of consciousness that I made to try to symbolize growth and stops in the journey.

7/22-"Weary Travelers" I wrote in my dorm room after a heavy heavy thunderstorm. I had gone outside and danced in the rain for about 20 minutes...it reminded me of a day I had spent with Whitney. When I got back inside I was pouring wet and missed Whitney like hell...I was reading a letter she had written to me and I thought to myself, "you wouldn't believe what one kiss would do to me right now" and after I'd thought it, I figured it sounded good as a line in a poem, so I proceded to write how I felt.

(not done yet)-"Biddeford, Maine" is a nice town by the ocean...since there's a huge gap in time between when I finished this and when I finished "Weary Travelers" I figured I'd just tell of what happened in the gap of time. Bear with me...I got back from camp August 1st, completely exhausted...I had to get to work organizing and packing for our big move...it was weird being a fully-functioning, responsible person again. The next few days I didn't play the guitar more than an hour total. August 3rd I got to see Whitney, Jess & Matt R. for Lilith Fair, which was great. I was close to Whitney all night, which was great too. On the way out, Matt & I drank a little more than a gallon of water for no apparent reason. Well there was a reason, but it wasn't exactly logical or worth telling. After about 2 minutes I puked it all up in the middle of the parking lot...Matt, a better man than I, got out of the car on the side of the road to relieve himself 15 minutes later. ~ August 4th and 5th I started buckling under the pressure...I was thinking about too much and getting too little sleep. Getting friends' addresses, seeing friends, my birthday, packing, songwriting...the 5th I got to hang out with Whitney and Julie for part of the day, which temporarily calmed me down. The 6th I got together with Jess, who unknown to me had set up a surprise party at my house. We hung out at her house, Amie Jess & I, and at 7 pm Jess brought me home so I could supposedly go out for Chinese with my family. But when I got home, Maya told me there was something wrong with the river, so Jess, Sarah, Amie and I went to the back yard-where 30-something of my friends stood. Suddenly life got just alittle bit better. It happened at exactly the right time, saving me from...having a really rough time. At this point I had strength and courage once again. All the time I spent with Whitney that night was very special. ~ The next day, despite having been told I wasn't allowed to, I ended up going to Maine with Whitney and her family for their annual reunion. Memorable moments include walking on the beach, (what the poem is about) meeting her uncle Basile, cousin Nolan, and aunt Irene. The ocean was by far the best though. The waves went back in forth, the breeze blew, it rained a little, being there with Whitney was the perfect moment ~ Well, that was the trip to Maine. When I got back, the packing just continued and with a lot of hard work we moved into our new house in Lyndeborough...the property was just gorgeous. I found myself not feeling any major emotional trauma or shock, or anything. I was completely calm and realistic about it all, which scared me. Usually I'm not like that! Well anyway, I started a song for Whitney the week she went on vacation at a lake. By the end of the week I had up to the 2nd chorus of this poem put to music. Also, August 18th Aaron Botelho and I played "Lie In Our Graves" at the Acton Jazz Caf� for the Opem-mic night, which was a very good experience for both of us. It was Aaron's first time performing on stage, so it was a really important day for him. I had great fun too. The next night, Aaron and I performed the unfinished song for Whitney, which ended with a really good solo by him; and also "Lie In Our Graves" again, this time on electric guitars. The next week was just settling in and unpacking and that sort of thing. The 21st-23rd I spent a lot of time with Whitney, which really was great. Excitement about school, songwriting, love and life in general.

c  h  e  r  i  s  h

sitting alone as the sweet breeze blows
starlight shines and moonlight glows
thinking of all that's been with me
my eyes open wide as i might see
still searching for answers i can't know
perhaps as i live, my life will show
the earth around still a constant race
but life as a whole i will embrace
something of a joy comes in my eyes
a sense of greatness without size
a smile of pride hints in my face
emptiness gone without a trace
this world made for us to love and care
this life made for us to keep and share
"sit back and relax," said the midnight sky
i spoke but it needed no reply
a whisper of magic in the air
glistened and shone as i sat there
the world outside me still spinning fast
i held onto the moment as it passed...

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U  N  T  I  T  L  E  D

nothing bothers me here   the universe is uncontained   the universe is free
one whole life form   bound by its own rules alone  rules that contain me

a sad situation we were born in   a sad situation we'll die   it will never die
no hope   no anguish   no symmetry in our world  imperfect   unfinished
something still unfinished in life   too late to do a thing about it  so we walk away
weaving hope through particles of nothing   nothing though we still live by it
eager to learn we are   we are all turned away  the powerful forces turn away   we
return to the nothing we live in   we have not a choice  we don't die   we will never know the answers...
so I head back home for a while

no thoughts too deep to worry us   we continue to go   guided by the rules that   we think we know
only nothing escapes the universe   nothing ever escapes life   life makes sure that   we never shall

the answers are gone   gone for life   life cannot have them   needs contradictions
rhyme and reason are gone   but life does not leave   and it goes on and goes on...   never fade away
umbrellas spinning  spinning helicopters singing  singing life around me dreaming...   we'll go dreaming once again
the rhyme and reason fade away fade away  the truth + answers fade away fade away...  so I
head back home for a while

L  I  T  T  L  E   P  U  R  P  L  E   D  I  T  T  I  E

just sitting and thinking about monkeys tap-dancing,
the lights in my eyes reflect dimly
and the glare of the sun is upon the end of the earth.
those crazy monkeys have their umbrellas, happy and singing,
and nothing but seashells are in the ocean
I laugh...  the ocean washes away my self clean, wee...
but that's all it is, just me the little kiddie,
and all them monkeys they be dancing so giddy,
and the girl I once knew who was so pretty,
just me inside the lights of a city,
with nothing going on...
...but my little purple dittie.

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M  E   A  N  D   T  H  E   W  O  L  F

sky a deep blue
and as the clock strikes ten
the sky above me turns
into a deep red
the clouds run wild overhead
and now it's said
that the big bad wolf comes out
and scares the little kids
right back into bed.
but me + the wolf
we hang out at night
under a bright full moon
me + the wolf we walk
as we talk about
roads and the stars
and me + the wolf
we play poker and bet hard
as the campfire light watches our game
me + the wolf
we sit and think thoughts
from the back of our minds
about the wind
and the water
and the way life goes
and now me + the wolf
we're walking the highway
and counting the stars as they fall

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x  i  i

these crazy feelings rush to my head
these clouds they rest on mountains high
these mounds of sea shells on my bed
these stars they gleam as they go by
this earth it spins by mighty pull
these eagles scour the sunset wide
this moon eclipses to its full
these oceans wander no subside
this lightning floods the darkest skies
these patterns travel through my mind
this valley where my precious lies
this horizon where all life unwinds
this fire where my soul I've kept
if I look I hope to find it there
this deep blue bottom where I have slept
at XII while my body's bare

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D  E  E  D   I  S   D  O  N  E

these words from my tongue
have gone too far away
these things I've begun
moved to another day
this lover in my arms
I feel begin to slip
the feeling of alarm
my hands they loose their grip
living in unfinished poems
and nowhere left to hide
I find myself alone
the night of dreams has died...
~
and the deed is done

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5 . 1  1 . 9  8

I have been resting lately, taking life like a slow ride
these people I know have faded away these worries subside
into nothing...  these tasks I bear
have disappeared into thin air, vanished my former design
I take the spare time, to think no more
the dog can let himself out
because I really can't care;  you may ask me who am I?
but an answer I cannot supply...
because I'm gone away

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T  H  E   L  A  N  D   O  F   O  Z

it's strange
how I'm feeling right now
I'm down though I feel high
this pain it doesn't hurt
and these worries I can tell goodbye
cuz I'm feeling the music
and it's how I'm gonna stay
when I feel the music
this world it spins away
the melody shines through
and I can close these doors
and leave life for another day, yeah...
it's strange,
how the weather's been acting
the sun shines on this pouring day
this hate it doesn't hurt
and now I can hear what the angels say
cuz I'm feeling the music
and everything's in it's place and right
and when I'm feeling this music
it lasts right through the lonely night
this rhythm erases my fear
and opens my mind
so I can see the light, yeah...
so ask me,
am I real?
do I feel?
can I do?
and am I true?
will I live?
will I die?
is there hope still deep inside?
my soul starves now, to go back to that place
to feel the rhythm's sweet embrace
it brings me there, it makes me sane
so I should never worry again, yeah...
and I'm dancing now
not on the ground
but in a solid wall of sound
and the land of oZ is where I'm bound...

so come, my friend...

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J  U  S  T    A    T  H  O  U  G  H  T

maybe we should lay ourselves down here under these stars,
talk the night away
maybe we should join up and start a rock + roll band,
why wait for a better day?
maybe we should dance 'til the earth comes crumbling down,
love what do you say?
what point could there be in waiting, oh, but,
it's just a thought of mine
maybe me + you should leave this town,
settle down under a brighter sky
maybe we should get a start right now,
'fore life passes us by
hell let's go traveling south
with our heads up high, I mean
what if we're all thrown into the sun, oh, but...
it's just a thought of mine
well maybe we'll keep walking slow
and talk about all the little things
maybe we'll try to forget
what the future times may bring
maybe we'll all go on and live
to see another spring, but oh!
think of what we could be missing, oh...  but
I suppose it's
just a thought of mine
yeah I suppose it's
just another thought of mine

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u  n  d  o

sometimes I feel
like eating a poison pill
wash myself away in an ocean of darkness
and have my soul go back up into the sky
sometimes I feel
I should dream no more
get up and step out this door
and walk away from my dirty shadow
sometimes I feel
like stepping into the abyss
god oh hear me out now I say
let me forget who I have been + will be
and when the train comes to the last stop
that's when I get off for the final time
yeah + that's when I'll get mine...
cuz all this hate
and all this filth
and all my dishonor
+ arrogance
and all of my stupid shit
I must bury now
so I scream goodbye...
cuz sometimes, I'd like to feel my self gone
and I can finally undo
this great mess I've become

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f  r  e  e  d  o  m

there is a place
where we can unwind
where the river is slow
and flowing is time
so forget all your worries
your troubled mind's despair
sit back, embrace the wind
feel the music we've found here
and we can terrace ourselves upon these clouds...
and we can feel freedom for now
~
you can see the birds
souring free through the sky
you can feel the emotion
flooding through you & I
so do what you may
and sing it outloud
it's good thinking to say
we'll never get off this cloud
and we can let our spirits soar among these trees...
and we can feel freedom for now
~
this sky such a beauty
this world spinning 'round
passing time's no matter...
if you're happy right now
we're not ever gonna leave this place, never gonna die...
we'll feel freedom for now...
goodbye

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t  h  e   i  s  l  a  n  d

but now I'm here on this island
and here I can be free
I'm here on this island
where dreams were meant to be...
hopefully you can come and join me sometime

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r  i  s  e   a  b  o  v  e

let me rise above
let me leave my past behind
show me what it's all been about
let me come above
let me whisk away the day
sit in these trees
and stare at these clouds I love
let me break through
let me breathe in the wind
and fly in bright skies of blue
let me rise above
let me shine on mountains steep
taste a new life
and maybe this wind can carry me higher...
let me break free
watch me leave behind
my weight below
and show them I'm not what they see
let me rise above
and you + I can
soar in the sky
and shimmer with the stars
and let me open these doors
so I can kiss you
for this short while...

let me rise above
let me leave my past behind
show me what it's all been about
yeah let me see what's inside...

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 l  e  n  d   a  n   e  a  r

I'm alone here   watching the leaves
sway back and forth + fall
and the yellow sun   staring down at the clouds
and the stream bringing someone else water
in a valley far away from here
so much on my mind
but no one to tell to
pages and pages pouring out
so much my head might explode
thoughts racing through   too fast   I need a companion
so will you come and join me?
will you come and ease the pain that I've got?
yeah, come and join me,
lend an ear to my thoughts

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t  h  e   f  o  r  e  s  t

alone here
where i can sit down with my friends the trees
the river moves softly in hands of mine and mine alone
it flows unseen by the rest of the world
because while the rest of the world fights
i take this moment + claim it my own
the day is still young
and the night is younger still
time enough to do what was promised to do
the sunlight shines through to my eyes + mine alone
it bends its illumination to my corner of the earth
and away from theirs
because while their world bickers
i claim this moment my own
the air is clean
and i breathe in with the forest
the cliff upstream
shields my ears from the shrieks + howls outside
(what a pitiful world)
noon time,
and the sun takes a bow
the clouds open up and
let the rain come drifting down
it makes the forest shimmer with heaven
it cleanses my face + mine alone
because while the world is still going 9 to 5
i take this moment for my own...
alone here
silence rings through the tallest tree
but i hear the music, (its sweet serenity)
because it still echoes softly through my mind + mine alone
and while this world is busy spinning away...
i take this moment + claim it my own

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t  e  e  p  e  e

verse 1	look...  look at me
look...  me
look...  yeah look at me
staring up
up I stare   and I can see the trees
trees reaching I can see
trees they reach up, up...
past my head + my soul
up past these clouds
that rest upon this earth's sky
above this earth's satellite
and these stars I see when the air is cool and the clouds in dream
these trees
they reach beyond almighty heaven,
a place I may go
when my bowl is empty
and the fire hydrant goes elsewhere
and my story ends
yeah heaven be a place I would like to go
when my legs need rest
and this tail does its last wag
and these eyes grow lazy...
but while my feet stay on this ground below
I pee on only the very bottom of these trees
and when I reach the place of peace...
I can pee higher
verse 2	look...  look
at me
look...  me
push through...
running through free
run I will free
until I want to be done
when I run I run so tall
so sleek
when I run
I run proud
this world is spinning
round and around and around and around and I run
beyond the plants + undergrowth
beyond the bushes green spin round me spin...
the moon runs beside me
along the river, glow shimmer with the stars
my mouth open wide my mind moves higher
my legs four carry me farther, and I run
farther than my home has ever been
life moves where I move
and I'm not scared
ready to taste a new life
I'll be back before long anyway
so I add this new chapter to my book
changes come and I know will come again...
so I dance away

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s  w  e  e  t   s  e  r  e  n  e

sitting here
in my own backyard, alone
but i'm far away from home
my home in you
sitting here
watching the stars glimmer, they shine in my eyes
hard to believe we're still under the same sky
and i miss you, i miss you
miss your soft touch
miss your smile
you were one whom i could alway lean
you, i miss you
you + your sweet serene
you and me, we're one
you and me, we shine with the stars
you and me, we share our love
and when the world comes crumbling down,
you and me will still be dancing...
sitting here in my blue chair
see the moon...
see it...
do you?
and it tells me i can't be afraid
can't be afraid to fall down and come back around again
can't be afraid to love
cause there's an aching, deep down inside   'side of me where i'd let only you go
and i miss you
i miss your face
the way you'd make me feel when you're around
you were one who'd always understand just what i mean
and i miss you
you + your sweet serene
you and me, we fly higher
you and me, we smile at each other
you and me, we will be together
and when the night falls dark upon us
you and me, we can rest together in peace...
sitting here, thinking of all the beauty in this world
how i wish you were here in my arms
and all that's left is this aching in me
where i used to hold you close
don't you know i never really said goodbye, the way i meant to?
as you left me the last time
don't you know you're still the only one for me?
and you know now i go
where we would used to sit
it's so dark without you
and i miss you
miss your whispering softly
miss your warm embrace
well things like this come and will pass, i have seen
and when this does pass
then i can be one with you...
with you + your sweet serene

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l  e  t   i  t   f  l  o  w

let it flow   like the rolling waves in the ocean, in the sea
let it flow in light, through dark
through the many ways of your heart
wherever your heart may be
let it flow   above the sounds of the city
let it make a sound of its own
let it flow   above where you've grown to be
and where you are now...
let it flow   like rain joining the bigger stream
learn to let it flow to a higher place
deep in the forest, so serene   you must learn to let it flow
let it flow
with natural sounds of life, calamity
blocking out noise in between   flow with the rhythm of the 
universe
where you are doesn't matter;
but where you might be
let it flow

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l  a  n  d   b  e  y  o  n  d   t  h  e   c  l  o  u  d  s

I wake up one morning   it's nearly noon   can feel the rain outside   it pours
down from the clouds   
and back into the ocean   where it all eventually goes
I look out the window, I see these clouds   obscuring the sun like a wall of misery
I take a moment to think back at my life and what I've
done wrong
I've always turned away from the ocean
you know it's never too late to turn back around
so I gather up my things and toss them away   I tell my friends
I'm not home
you can't reach me
I take a look at the ocean that waits for me
you know it's never too late to turn around
so while the rest of the world toils away at what
it does best
I spin my life into a new direction
yes it was a spur of the moment thing
sometimes that's the way life goes, you will see
I see the shore fade away
these calmly rolling waves bring me out farther
"you can't stop me"
I call from my boat
I'm spending some time away
I sail into a land beyond the clouds...
you can't reach me
anymore

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w  i  s  h

I wish
that someday I could
get my ass out of bed
maybe rise above this thing I've
been swimming in for so long   we all stay in
this thing, most of us 'til the day we die  some, they
don't even mind but some of us think, we believe in something more
in life   there's so much under this blue sky...  but I sit home dreaming of things
that I may be   someday, I know it will be time to get on my feet...  how I wish I could
someday I should   someday I should open my eyes and find a higher place where I could leave the rest behind   I could grow to be something more than the me still sleeping past noon everyday in the same old bed   I could get out of bed...  I could shine...  I could be remembered long after I'm down in my grave   
I would like to build something my own;
I wish I could

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t  h  e   H  o  u  s  e   i  n   t  h  e   m  i  d  d  l  e   o  f   n  o  w  h  e  r  e

part 1	there is a place
far away from the sights and sounds of life's rhythmic road
and the birds flying calmly over head
and the fish swimming downward to the light source
and the snake slithering sereenly, careening through your doorway
far away from the blue sky above
and the stars heavenly glance
God's little glitch on the map, one with all the roads  you'd ever imagine putting your quick little foot on
where the rabbits watch and wait with patience
for somebody with the luck and grace
to fall out of the whimsical sky's hold
and onto this place
the wind does blow here
and the icy waters do flow
and the tall grass does grow here
and the snail's they are slow
and the moon it does glow here
but no one does go here, until there was me...
me...  I sit and wait at home listening
at sounds so serene
I wait and pray to leave
from life's depressing routine
every day gets shorter
with no time to build something better or more
my one moment of solitude I spend now, and will pass I know
but the light shines dimly now
and as if a response
my troubles seem to melt away, without a sound
my heart beats faster, ripples of energy burst out of me
and my feet...  they can't feel the ground
now thoughts that hit me
escape my mind and they take form, big and small
they scitter and dance across tall endless grass
until they're swept away again
a strange thing to happen
thinks I
and suddenly mind, body and all
I'm thrown into the heart of the sky
everything spins now, slowly
confusing my mind
the lights, red, blue, purple and orange take swurves unexpectedly
and I am above now
above the swirling clouds, the city lights, the trees of green
and I can finally see it all
the universe outside of me,
I look down to see it
I see fire, and light and dark
and calm and crazy waters
and the answers I've always been looking for
they're suddenly in front of me
I see the blood of others,
and winds which carried air I once breathed, and echoes of times past which I once felt
and I can see my home, so far down beneath the cracks
and as I  fall down to a place still uncovered
I know I can't go back 

part 2	I wonder what has become of me
as I look around
I see tall grass growing
farther and farther away
infinite and endless it is
it sways back and forth with calmness,
although a wild wind has come my way
I look up at the sky,
the great wide open
a few birds fly across it, their silhouettes racing against the pink sunset,
although it's barely afternoon
I stand so tall against the wind, looking around
and somewhere, a way's off from where I stand
is the House in the middle of nowhere
I don't search for the answer
as to how it came to be here, or how I came to be here either
but things like this happen
I'm here and it's here
and that's all that really counts, no big strife
things like this happen
just call it life
standing by the House's port side, reflecting colors of time
is a tree held precious, the Tree of Sublime
its roots reach deep down into Mother Earth, where we all go in the end
it's trunk is strong, and you can tell
it will be around here a long, long
time
the Tree's branches sprawl out, reaching high into the heavens
and upon one of these branches
living in peace and patience
are the rabbits
they have always been here
and always will be
they have no worries in this place in which they stay
and when the air gets colder and the nights longer
they will go inside House in the middle of nowhere, and they will play

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'  t  i  l   d  e  a  t  h

say love   we hang around here
lie on the grass on the sunlit hill
you and me, so happy in love
what will come along our path?
and we lie on the grass
we talk and kiss   we look up at the stars
they shimmer, fade, but never go away
they'll dance long after we go, don't you know...
and 'til death do we part
love we've made the best for sure...
~
say love   the wind blows through your hair
your eyes reflect the softness and the beauty of you
this world you don't belong to, you're better
you rise above-oh love please take me with you as you go
up there we climb, to the tallest hill
watch the sunrise, I smile thinking
what will happen when this thing we have, this thing we share is gone?
but we will dance together 'til I'm swept away...
 'til death do we part
love we've made the best for sure...
~
say love   the sun has gone down now   below the horizon blue
the wind carries days gone so long ago
and we feel it, the freshness gone
but the memory so clear
so much we have shared
so much we have dreamed
and now I feel, it's time I must go
back to the stars, where I will gaze down to see you
love, we've made the best for sure  now promise me
you'll take me with you as you go...
'til death do we part
love we've made the best for sure...
~
drop by drop you shed a tear
"a thousand leagues I'll wait for you!"
how happy to fall in love,
so sad I drift away
so let us cling to our days together love
let us pursue every moment in time
for we're like grass on the sunlit hill,
knowing it must whither and die...
'til death do we part

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9 . 2  7 . 9  8


I walk along the river
reflects the stars shine on me tonight
feel the water's deep blue soul
I walk along the river
look back, taste my life behind me
see tomorrow in a new light
I walk below the sliver of moon
my head spins full emotions pouring in
let the moon guide my way, and I'm dancing
I walk below the sliver of moon
imagine what could become of me?
I smile, may the river wash my spirit clean...
face the day with a smile
bring the world forth, and back again
stop your trembling, stand strong, let tomorrow come
let it rise with the sun's song, cuz don't you know...
we all don't have too long
think of all we might do
think of all we might see
think of all we might feel
think of all we might be
so I breathe it in, look up at the sky
wonder...

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i   n   s   t   r   u   m   e   n   t   a   l
so seize every moment in time
take your heart along wherever you may go
share the love, sing the song, let tomorrow come
take all Mother Earth has to give, cuz don't you know...
there's only one life we have to live
think of all we might do
think of all we might see
think of all we might dream,
think of all we might be...
may the wind carry this thought long after I go
I breathe it in, look to the sky
may the wind carry this thought long after I go
yeah I breathe it in, look up at the sky
may the wind carry me...
home.

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d  o  n ' t   k  n  o  w

don't know what might come of all this
we're all traveling hand in hand
on this long trodden road
with so many thoughts in our heads
and so much time on our hands
the sky above + sea below
live tonight they shine and glow
the fire's bright, we talk as we go...
let the love guide us
~
don't know what might come of all this
we're trying to reach the end of this tunnel
thoughts keep coming
that might change the road we're on
who knows when they might fade
so give everyone a chance
let the thoughts come, don't hide what you're feeling
the sky above + sea below
live tonight they shine and glow
the air is cool, we talk as we go...
let the love guide us
~
don't know what might come of all this
we're all so young
seeing life from a different side
think we will still be walking together 
when the road is worn
and we stand taller than before?
I cherish the thought, yes I do...
the sky above + sea below
live tonight they shine and glow
your head on my shoulder, we talk as we go...
let the love guide us always

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p  o  e  m   f  o  r   j  o  a  n  n  a

I remember your eyes
were sweet as can be
deep soft blue and serene
would they someday see me?
I remember that funny feeling
when you told me your mind
everything I'd been searching for
I could finally find...
and so many sweet songs dance in my head
and I'm feeling oh so much
it's like the wind blowing through me
and the waves washing over me,
and the love touching my soul
opening my eyes to your beauty
so I'll never be the same...
and now I'm hoping to find
something I can feel
to let me know I'm still here
and that all this is real
I'm hoping to find that
we mean what we say
so take my hand love
everything will be ok...
and I'll sing you a lullabye 
when you're feeling like hell
don't you know that like rhymes we seem to
fit together so well

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s  w  e  e  t   a  n  g  e  l

sweet angel from the sky
you've come down for me
sweet angel from the sky
a piece of heaven you must be
to come down from your cloud
the sweetest creature on this earth
you're sure to be
~
sweet angel
you bring tears to my eyes
of joy not sorrow
of love not sadness
sweet angel
I pray you've come for me
to pick me up
open my lonely heart
show me what life could be
~
sweet angel
so happy our paths crossed this life
and now here we are, below the glimmering stars
(and I swear that star is yours, though you'd laugh and deny it all)
will you walk with me now, and forever more
down this path I'd once taken by myself
sweet angel please will you hold my hand?
~
sweet angel
for me you put heaven on earth
and this I promise you
to treat you kindly always
to hold you even when the earth crumbles down
to give you my love
and pray you find me good enough
your world mine + my world yours, sweet angel...
say you will
~
lovely girl
for you I would walk
to the end of the world
climb the highest wall
crawl through the deepest hell
cuz sweet angel
hell isn't as scary as losing you
~
sweet angel you bring tears to my eyes
tears of love
walk with me won't you please...
talk with me won't you please...
hold my hand won't you please...
and we can lay down to sleep
in eachother's arms we'll dream...

my lips on yours, your lips on mine
forever more...
'til the end of time...
say you will...
sweet angel.

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1  1 . 2  5 . 9  8

take me back
please take me back
let me be the one who gives you comfort
in times like these when there's little to hold onto
sitting here,
on the cold dark street
my naked body shivering in the streetlight
god I'm crying so hard
inside out
I need you
~
take me back
I need your sweet voice to tell me
that I'll come out of this alive
I never thought I'd care about myself
til I had something, someone like you to lose
~
take me back
I can't sleep
or think straight when you're gone
these jumbled thoughts of mine
come out with emotion
deep
serene
and uncomposed
I don't know what to say sometimes
to make you feel oh so better
I care so much though
your happiness is more important than my own
but please take me back
I need you
I love you

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t  o  n  i  g  h  t

tonight I put on my old beaten shoes,
with my baggy pants and untucked dress shirt
and I stepped out the front door
and I went dreaming...:
~
walked along the road that needed pavement like a lost love
the rain it beat on my head
flooding in from heaven
intoxicating my spirit
make me want to turn back
I tried to stop the water
it kept coming stronger than before
down from the clouds and from my eyes
I wanted to make it stop
but there was no use trying
tonight...the whole world was crying
~
I walked still tonight
kept on like a dead soldier
I looked up to the sky
the trees so serene
the stars so beautiful
how could I deserve to look at them
or even step down to realize that the earth has stopped my fall?
oh dear God tonight I searched my soul, 
'til there was no soul left to find
with no idea what love would cost
tonight I was empty and lost
~
oh how could I be such a fool
how could I let the demons into me
trying to fight these demons
they keep coming, not letting me think...
oh Joanna tonight I've had too much to drink
~
I'm alone with myself now
the world fades
all that's left is the sky
devoid of life's colors and shades
the trees they ignore me
the heavens still rain
alone with myself
have to face the pain
I walked still
with voices in my head
tonight I walked...until
I 
was
dead.

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1  1 . 2  9 . 9  8

they say emotions are just in your mind
feelings like love and hate
and sadness and rage
happiness and fear
that burning desire for that one soul
the one who can make it all alright
save you from the hell of loneliness
it's all in your mind,
where we are all confined
when you're outside at night
looking up at the sky in wonder
wondering how the earth always is below you
yet round as an orange
and you're feeling oh so spiritual now
overwhelmed just wondering
if it's all one big crystal dream
or if the world is really spinning while your standing on the ground
but it's all in your mind
where we're all confined
they say it's in your mind
when you get that little taste of heaven,
an angel sheds her light upon you
and for a moment
you see it all, what life is made of
it goes to your soul, intoxicate you...
but it's all in your mind
where we're all confined
it's all a crystal dream
we only get so many glances at the light above the bridge
don't you know it's not how or why we're here
but what we make of it
it could all be a dream
and we're floating through space, alone
in life we are blind
just love will lift that veil
but it's all in your mind
where we're all confined
who knows, we might all die in our sweet sleep tonight
who knows, death may be bliss, put you in flight
when you rise up above your awareness...
bliss is outside your mind
no longer any need to be confined

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n  o  v  e  m  b  e  r   s  e  a  s

alone
why won't this pain leave
it stabs me
reaches in me
it hurts me so
rip me inside out
nothing but sadness left
and the taste of salt in a dry mouth...
~
alone
feel the pain and tears heavy
and I sit here in the low invading clouds
an empty cold fills my soul up
longing for days past, brighter skies
where I could hold you in my arms
hold you so close, make the greatest pain subside...
~
alone
it's a feeling I wish I didn't feel
with all my heart I pray for you
these words come out, tired thought
a sad desperation paints my sky
I thought I could almost hear myself breathing,
when I heard the sound of your voice
and when you talk to me, 
it's the sweetest words in God's language flowing out your mouth...
~
alone
I wish I could be taken away
by these rolling waves so deep
so far, far away I would be
maybe I could leave the pain
and the voices in my head
they come inside me so cruelly
I want to find peace in oblivion...
be washed away by these
slowly coming November Seas
~
alone
how my head hurts
I've found in life that
you can't stop the emotions
they'll come like the racing winds
or the bleeding sunset
or the grayest clouds
or the pouring rain...
or these slowly coming November Seas

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g  l  i  m  m  e  r  f  a  d  e

a teardrop falls
a flower dies
the glimmer fades now from your eyes
a love withers
in the cold wind
the angel weeps, for she has sinned...
the clouds drift away
like that goodnight kiss
those days gone by, oh how I miss
this darkness comes
where the sun once shown
the love has left, left me alone...
I love you so, don't wanna let you go...
~
the fears they come
and I'm praying for sleep
the sadness falls over me oh so deep
the water is frozen
the trees all left bare
my world melt away to the dark coldness we've found here...
the desert prays
for rainier weather
I pray for days when we were once together
but the tears they come
the emotions they grow
and now I feel my soul just letting go...
I love you so, don't wanna let you go...
~
the moonlight glows
the demons subside
I put on my shoes, take a long walk outside
nothing more to do
cuz I can't find the words to say
you slip from my arms, I see you walking away
walk away, walk away, walk away...
these tears keep coming 
and this sadness keeps sinking in deeper 
and I would bet my goddamn life it's not gonna stop...
a teardrop falls
a flower dies
the glimmer fades now from your eyes...
you walk away
and I love you so, don't wanna let you go...
let you go
let you go
don't wanna let you go
I need to...let you go
glimmerfade, fade away, fade away, fade away...love

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b  a  d   d  r  e  a  m

it calls for me
so I take this cup
fill it with this wine
deep red as blood
calming as the rolling waves
hauntingly glimmers in my eyes
and oh God, I have nothing left to give
nobody to hold tight
fight back these tears
what do I have left to lose?
it calls for me
so I drink it deep
God, may it stop the hurting...
~
and now here I am looking in to see me from the outside
so much pain, my soul leaves me behind
these demons come into my heart
and they rip it apart
I want to some day dry my eyes
wake up from
this bad
dream.

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s  e  a  r  c  h  i  n  g

I travel 1000 miles
soar through 1000 skies
battle 1000 fears
trudge through 1000 lies
I'm on this plane
my destiny halfway across the earth
my soul in so many places
I'm searching for end, searching for birth...
and I'm walking alone
down this road so long
through this world
I'm searching on
~
1000 mistakes I learn from
I wait 1000 years
I've trodden 1000 old dirt paths
released 1000 tears
and I'm finding my way through
these dreams often filled with fright
in this endlessness of confusion
I'm searching for truth, searching for the light
and who knows what things
I may come upon?
through this world
I'm searching on
~
I sit...
reflecting upon the quiet serene...
of a winter Ma'ali Adumim night
so far away from home...
I find on my way...
the beginning, my purpose, often fades from sight
in these shimmering stars...
and celestine visions...
I remember somewhere in between
not to lose track of my quest...
my purpose here...
and to keep my shoes ever so clean
~
I've sailed 1000 seas
my feet have touched 1000 sands
I have left 1000 loved ones
and roamed 1000 lands
I've shared 1000 smiles
looked in 1000 eyes so deep
I'll remember the touch of 1000 angels...
as I lay me down to sleep
and I'm holding my head up to the sky
I'll pray to the lord up above
I'm at the crossroads once again, my friend
I'm searching for feeling, searching for love
I'm finding my spirit,
I'm singing the song
through this life...
I'm searching on

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l  i  t  t  l  e   g  i  r  l

oh little girl
you leave me in disgrace
you show me your soul
give deceiving embrace
such lovely eyes
you rip me up so...
scream at me
leave me here in the dark
nightmares
cold emptiness
demons' stare
see me, love
tear me up
limb from limb
skin from skin
i say scream you rotten little lie...
for you little girl
i'd run another mile
climb the highest wall
to see that lovely smile
and such pretty eyes
you bury me so...
suck me dry
push me off the cliff so high
stabbing through me
you take that knife, black ashes
blood mixes with tears
smile at me
burn my face
boil my blood
throw me into death, gashes so deep
bleeding eyes, you turn your head on me
look at me when i'm talking
you spoiled little FUCK
hot fresh anger
seeps through these burning eyes
red blood is spilled
toss me into this world of lies
sweet soul...
you're killing me!!!!
killing me,
killing me,
killing me, i ask you
WHY????
you see that shit pile in the sky now?
i'm gonna burn the fucker down
see that lonely little boy?
i'm gonna kill the fucker
kill the fucker!!!!!!
don't turn your head
little girl
look when i'm fuckin' talking to you
love you rip me up so, i ask you
why?
why??
WHY???????
you pretty little fuck....

lovely eyes......

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f  o  o  t  p  r  i  n  t  s

I want to ride the wind
feel my spirit blow
where no one has gone before
I want to flow with the ocean
breathe it deep
celebrate the silence forever more...
I want to be one with the stars
embrace all
these crashing waves coming fast
I want to illuminate the night
play the music
beautiful as life's moments gone past
~
please come with me
be here now
share this love that we have found
please come with me
take my hand
we'll make our footprints
on this beach sand
~
I want to feel the ocean
come over me tenfold
let the water wash me clean
I want to climb the mountains
swim the falls
keep in my heart these places I've seen
I want to walk the path
and all the while
keep my head up high
I want to feel the love
of this great circle of friends
our souls all filling the sky
~
please come with me
be here now
share this love
that we have found
please come with me
let the stars be our guide
together we'll dance
until these nights subside

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p  o  e  m   f  o  r   i  a  n

let me tell you a story my friend
of a time gone past
of limitless freedom
prank phone calls + laughs
a story of days
which numbered too few
wherever you are...
this one's for you
~
I remember those days well
cool sweet summer breeze
we'd soar through the skies
and do as we please
shimmering horizons
soft clouds chased the sun
truly, my friend
life had only begun...
we lived in such perfect
euphoria of sound
looking up in wonder
as we stood on this ground
with mouths wide open
we'd breathe in the air
let our souls flow
with the river down there...
sometimes we would laugh
sometimes we would cry
our spirits like a flame
the never could die
~
but gray clouds came around
one innocent day
this magic we'd found
was pulled, taken away
a ship on the horizon
slowly drew near
it came to separate you
from your life you'd built here...
as you walked away
I feared it was the end
we told one another
that we'd meet again...
and the ocean still echoes
that ship that had come
the breeze still whispers
this song we had sung
now this one's for you
farewell, my dear friend
keep truckin' it on...
we'll go dreaming once again.

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1  2 . 2  7 . 9  8

with every new mountain I climb
my spirit sheds an old skin
these lessons I carry with me
show me where to begin
but I still look up in wonder
at where I soon may be
my spirit like the oceans
smooth, flowing & free
and on my way through this tunnel
one thing that I've found:
there's a joy in the struggle
and joy where you're bound.

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d  r  e  a  m  i  n  g   o  f   s  l  e  e  p

there's something I must say
tongue-twisted + tied up I sit
waiting, I can't find a way
and I must let these thoughts out
the bubble all up inside here
there's no place to go...
today
~
there's no driver on this train
my head swims in confusion
this well of hope continue I drain
look to the left, to the right
time, it ticks away as
my heart beats I may go...
insane
~
so heavily my eyes weep
can't find a way to let these words out of my mind
shifting and turning, I'm dreaming of sleep
this crazy world I'm confined to
there seems no way out of this
why must I keep digging...
so deep
~
but I fight off the confusion
I breathe in the air
and there will be hope
sometime and somewhere
my head all tied up
in this insanity still
but clear my jumbled mind...
and soon, sleep I will

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h  o  l  d   m  e

I'm hurting...
I'm crying...
I reach out my hands...
I want to find you there...
don't wanna be alone
~
so hold me close all through the night
shield me from this pouring rain
fight back these tears, show me the light
show me I can love again
in your arms I know I'll be alright...
please don't leave me
~
so tired...
I'm so weak...
I reach out my hands...
I wanna find  you there...
I can't go on this way no more
~
so hold me close all through the night
help me find my lost way
fight back these tears, whow me the light
I may see the dawning of a new day
lift me from this place of fright...
please don't leave me
~
it's dark here
I'm screaming...
I pray for you...
I need you now
~
so hold me close all through the night
open these eyes so I might see
fight back these tears, show me the light
ease these things that worry me
spend this time, and heal I might
I'll do the same for you when time it will be...
Please don't leave me
~
how I long to hold you close
to me, you make me feel alive again
I'm on my knees...
I'm begging you...
help me...
heal me...
hold me...

~	~	~	~	~

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w  i  n  t  e  r   s  o  r  r  o  w
( p  o  e  m   f  o  r   j  e  s  s )

come, dear friend
talk to me, for
I promise I will never leave you
come, dear friend
ease your worried troubled eyes
no need to let it bubble up inside
~
come, dear friend
let me show you you can feel
happiness once again
come, dear friend
my hand is out for you
I won't leave you 'til the end...
~
come, dear friend
behind this dark pain
a light it does gleam
come, dear friend
and dance with me
we'll keep alive this night of dreams...
~
end your worries...
you don't need to be afraid no more...
let the rain wash over you now
this winter sorrow will soon be over
spinning round in these circles...
I'll never leave you

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t  h  e   g  i  r  l   I   m  e  t   t  h  a  t   d  a  y

I remember
when

(not done)

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t  h  i  s   d  r  e  a  m

at the rise of each day
my tired eyes lack tears to cry
society's leash
around my neck, tight I tie
a walk the same old road
no new dreams to come my way
ten years I'll be singing still
same verse as today
but I had a new dream last night
that I put on my sweatshirt
and shaved my face
and got my bag and guitar
head high
wind blowing
alone & free...
I'm gonna find a new verse for me
~
so do what you do, go where you may
for soon death's winds will have swept you away
sometimes you need to get lost so you can
find your way...
I'll keep this dream alive
~
in this dream I was walking
upon this new road
these clouds now in the sky
I'd never seen before
~
I came upon a man who said
the task is to live before you die
I came upon a women who said
In love, all your answers lie...
~
so do what you do, go where you may
for soon death's winds will have swept you away
sometimes you need to get lost so you can
find your way...
I'll keep this dream alive

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4 . 2  2. 9  9

I'm coming out from the woodwork
out from the seams
I'm coming out
from the shadows
open them eyes now
I'm leaving this place today
before these changes 
follow me
swallow me up this way

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 c  h  e  r  i  s  h   o  u  t  r  o

I'm spinning out...
I'm spinning out in these circles, oh...
no worries, nor hurries here...
I'm spinning...
tired colors, oh...
and we can rest...
we can rest in peace here...
said the man to the other man as they walked on down the road
and the moon was bright and the stars were singing...
and the wind was blowing through their hair and there was not a worry to be...
found
oh...
I call to you...
I call to you this way...
why don't you run sink swim, we'll dance away...
my my my...
my my my...
my last dance is over, oh...

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U  P   T  O   M  E

you come to me
hair down
covering soft worried eyes
why so troubled love?
and if it were up to me
I'd hold you close, wipe away your tears
untie your shackled soul
~
you come to me
with a sadness in your choked throat
you cannot let out
don't feel alone, love, I'm right beside you...
and if it were up to me
I'd let the moonlight crash all about your face
and let the waves crash all over you...
~
let it be,
leave it here,
let it go...
how I wish I could give you this beautiful night

you look at me
trembling and weak
praying for someone
to heal your pain
and if it were up to me,
I'd give it all up, and you could breathe it deep
and the sun would shine bright on you once again.

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' T  I  L   T  H  E    M  O  R  N  I  N  G   L  I  G  H  T

here I am walking, the moon my candle-lit gleam
and the souls of the city, deep inside of their dreams
I breathe in the magic of a chilly spring night
I'm alone, free to roam, 'til the morning light
~
a feeling comes over me, long hidden by time
as a train in the distance crosses some borderline
standing tall & straight I gaze  up to the stars
I wonder a while, are you really that far?
~
and how I wish you were here, by the nightlit riverbed
my heart it still echoes sacred words you once said
though I know you're asleep, tucked in warm & tight
the stars shine their love on both of us tonight
~
on neverending green grass, my body it lies
embraced by the music, strength and love fill my eyes
the soft wind blows through me, bringing sweet rhythm & sound
and though small here I sit, I feel the world spinning 'round...
~
and how I wish you were here, by the nightlit riverbed
my heart it still echoes sacred words you once said
though I know you're asleep, tucked in warm  & tight
the stars shine their love on both of us tonight
~
I stare at the river, this moment precious I hold
and though the earth owns my body, the river carries my soul
and I can feel you right here, next to me somehow
I wish you could know, what I'm feeling right now...
~
and how I wish you were here, by the nightlit riverbed
my heart it still echoes sacred words you once said
though I know you're asleep, tucked in warm & tight
the stars shine their love on both of us tonight...
sweet dreams
and
sleep tight

~

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W  A  K  E   U  P

wake up
this is not our future
we don't deserve this
open your eyes
to this world before you
face it with judging eyes
so you may see the truth
now tell me what do you see?
hate & ignorance roam free
consuming, destroying
leaving nothing in its wake
our lives, swept away, cancelled out
everyday...the candle burns dimmer
just love and love alone can save us now
don't you see it?
search deep, it's inside of you and there's
plenty to go around
shed a little light and it will shine...
shine, shine, shine
~
wake up
this world is not what it seemed
and now it's too late
the blood is spilled
open your eyes
dark clouds cover the sky
the clouds of our hate
fill the air
so that they block out the stars above
blessed are we to have seen them
open your eyes, take a look
you don't know just what you've got
'til it's gone away...
everyday...the wax melts  lower
just love can save us now
open your mind to kindness
fill your cup, and pass it around
salvation is within us,
only we can save this world
shed a little light and it will shine...
shine, shine,. Shine

~	~	~	~	~

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# 4  8

but these tears of mine
they will not come out
they will not be let loose
these tears of mine
I keep to myself
and let it instead
pour out in my dreams
drink the poison all over again...

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C  L  O  U  D

i look up now
to that cloud in the sky
shaped like whatever life may throw at me
filled with the infinite colors of emotion and thought
i'm so small
the tears flow like oceans in my eyes
eyes, screaming out with life
life...why can't you hear me screaming?
i want to catch that cloud
grab it by its mighty tail
be immersed in it
'til i'm swept away...
~
the legs grow taller
the voice grows deeper
night falls on us all,
what if i want to go out in these waning hours,
catch the moonlight in the palm of my hand
hands...hands away
dance away
we'll dance away
someday....ooooh.....i wish you could..
lie in our...
wish you could...
why can't you hear me screaming???
why, oh why sweep me away, oh...
coming down to meet the ground
and i say i will find that cloud...
some day.

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f  r  o  m   t  h  e   e  a  g  l  e ' s   w  i  n  g  s

lift me up
inside I am ready
for I have waited for
the time to be right

lift me up
the rain is heavy
but my heart is free
and my soul, flooding with light

the night is young
this love I have is pure and fine
and in the stars, angels' footsteps sing
the fire burns bright
so hear my voice, lift me up, for my
happiness comes...from the eagle's wings
~
the night is ours
this life crashes, splashes all about me
and in the stars, angels' footsteps sing
this fire burns bright
so hear  my voice, lift me up, for my
happiness comes...
my my my, my happiness comes...
from the eagle's wings.

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g  h  o  s  t

the ghost awoke before the sun's rise
held the spinning world vast before his eyes
these silent sleeping children
these soulful swaying trees
these stars whispering life's rhythm
this softly singing breeze
~
solemnly, the ghost walked the old street
made him sad to think how it all changes with not but a heartbeat
these silent sleeping children
these fields where the peaceful lay
these stars whispering life's rhythm...
these quiet tears, fall away
~
the ghost awoke before the sun's rise
held the spinning world vast before his eyes
he longingly wept
for things left undone
for love left unconfessed...
and sweet songs left unsung.

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s  o  u  l ' s   c  r  y

I love her
but only with half of my heart
for the other half is lost
I know it is the space I can never fill
because I
am
not
good
enough.
~
I burn for her
but the candle is already half-melted
the other half can never be kindled
I know it is the darkness I can never shed light upon
because I
am
not
good enough.
~
I will die for her
but only with half of my being
the other half I may never touch
I know it is the soul's cry that reaches my ear...
...I will die for her, but I cannot
because I
am
already
half-dead.

Sunrise, sunset..........

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6 . 2 . 9  9

red
burns within
eyes too dry
too absorbed in hate
to cry
to scream out a
human plea
red savage
beast
released instead
I know no mercy
and you'll eat my shit
howl insane shrieks
glass breaks
I shred the skin
little chicken
I'll rip your eyes out
and wait 'til you get back up again
but don't worry momma
your little baby'll get on his feet once more
so I can fuck up all over again
~
red
runs, floods like a river of hell
down shaking arms, onto
clenched fists
too swollen with betrayal to loosen
to extend a friendly hand
red
killing machine
glaring, alone in the night
holds the blade
heads spinning
bones cracking
smoke fills the air
little chicken
I infest you
I violate you
'til you get back up again
my fist relieves all confusion
with
only
one
quick
slice
burning...
but don't worry momma
your little baby'll get back on his feet once more
little baby's gonna fuck it up all over again
~
I infest the earth
I'm not good enough
I will suck out your soul
tear your face
crush your skull
I'll eat your eyes
so don't cry anymore
don't scream anymore
no more sleepless living nightmares
cuz you know little baby's gonna fuck it up all over again
don't you walk away...
little baby's gonna show you hell.

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K  I  S  S  I  N  G   T  H  E   S  T  I  L  L   W  A  T  E  R

I believe it's time
to come to terms with myself
no more running from my shadows
I lift this mask off from my face
~
see me stand so tall
I face the day with the courage of 100 knights
now I can walk on through the sunlight
for what is me I can embrace
~
still water before me
I sit wait and gaze away as I might see
when once I ran, I now welcome the reflection
for I believe in what looks back at me
~
I'll shed a different light
start a new beginning
for something has reached out
and forgiven my fearful soul
~
see me take off these shoes
in the rain nothing is hidden
I will dance long until
this moon eclipses to its full
~
still water before me
without you too long I did roam
still water guide this way for me
as the music carries me home.

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6 . 6 . 9  9

a solitary stroll through the night
stepping not too fast nor too slow
I follow the serene, flooding moonlight
though these steps may never end
here I am alive, and the night is young
this night, this night is mine
~
hours may have gone by
the wind has joined my dance
giving me life, breathing peace into me
a taste of the stars
I've left this world
I feel, I feel fine...
~
live for the day
lay under this sky
doesn't matter heresay
if you live or die
and we're movin' on...
~
as I cross the bridge it rushes to me
a feeling of who I am all I have been
and I have to look up to the sky & wonder
what it's all about
but still, I walk further
further, further I roam
~
peace has been with me tonight
and I come to the quietly rushing river
I lose these clothes and become one
I slose these eyes, the water
carries me, carries me home...
~
hold tight to the love
keep singing the song
live free as the dove
cuz we're moving along
cuz time's a-moving along
cuz we can't do no wrong
cuz we're moving on...
that's the way
that's the way we
move it on.

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T  H  I  N  K  I  N  G   O  F   Y  O  U

everytime the wind kisses my face
every sore heart i can heal
every breathe of night i embrace
with every part of me i can feel
i'll be thinking of you.
when i see the birds in the sky
and when i'm staring at the sun
when i feel the tears in my eyes
and when i'm feeling as one
i'll be thinking of you.
when the hard rain is falling down
with every word out of my tounge
when i'm lying on this ground
with every song i have sung
i'll be thinking of you.

everyday we're apart 
every picture of home
with every piece of my heart
with every sunset spent alone . . . 
with every inch of my smile
and every sweet summer breeze
wherever the river runs wild
and every sway of the trees,
i'll be
don't you know love
i'll be thinking of you.

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C  A  M  E   &   W  E  N  T

heaven & earth circled around us
we lay in the water, making waves with our hands
seeing what we might come upon, all these things and
we were
searching on
the sky surround, making shapes
with our shadows, waters mixed with sand
the clouds were you and me were wishing and
the sun had drifting
come & gone...
and we're alone
in our head
where there's a love there
is a way
we're swimming above
so that we might see
another day
~
the rhythm beat on in our hearts
we danced 'til we felt quite at ease
the music flowed, the night sky glowed and
our souls had
come above
laughter & whispers traveled our mouths
the fire warmed us against the breeze
and from afar there was a shooting star while
we fell
deep in love...
in the end
I did not regret
any time that
we had spent
but like the shooting star
so fast & bright
it all came
and all went.

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H  E  A  V  E  N ' S   R  I  V  E  R

I need a place
to rest these tired eyes
think of your face
leave my worries behind
the beginning...finally meets the end
~
I need a home
from the haze that surrounds
you lift me up
and bring me to the ground
I've found my trust...in you my friend
~
heaven's river
I'll heal your heart
you can heal mine
heaven's river
you whisper to me softly
'til I feel fine
~
I need a warm shoulder
and a loving smile
I want to dance on these clouds
and leave my life for a while
shaded, I am shaded by your trees
~
and I need to feel the tears
together, so soft we can weep
tears of joy, tears of life
as we slip away into our sleep
slip away, fall away, fade away with the breeze
~
heaven's river
you came into my life
offered your soft release
heaven's river I hold you now
like the arms of an angel I
surrender to your beautiful peace

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N  O  T  H  I  N  G   M  O  R  E ,   N  O  T  H  I  N  G   L  E  S  S

we're two people
just two people standing here on life's road
with some time on our hands and music in our ears
to calm us, soothe us, bring us down to the ground
the sky it has energy tonight
energy in the dust and light of the stars so far
away from here
we can see their distant shadows shining down on you and me...
how I'd like to sit here and watch these stars
feel the river
hear what the heavens have to say
how I'd like to just ease our eyes our troubled minds away
lay your trust in me, my friend
so alive...
little things that bother us fall away
fade away, slip away, burn away, dance away
we'll dance because we're feeling that sweet
endlessness from within, pouring through our veins
we can lie down here and I can feel the tension
building as if into that first special
sacred kiss
without worrying without hurrying
how I'd like to just slip into this...
oh, for here we are under the sky that beckons
and who are we?
no labels
no fences
nothing more, nothing less
than two people lying
on the verge of
something
beautiful.

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P  O  E  M   F  O  R   W  H  I  T  N  E  Y

the heavy stone
always looming, always following
so closely behind me
the heavy stone
falls off my shoulders, pours melts away
like the rains of today
with your calming smile and heavenly face
you bring me to a world of dreams
a wonderful place
should I wonder
if tomorrow's sun will set 
with the same beauty as today?
I can fly like an eagle, you set me free
from my worried thoughts comes tranquility
~
running
hiding
from all the future might hold
a long scary road to be walked alone
alone, alone no more am I
bright skies ahead
come up, come down
swimming rushing this way as we
lie on this ground
and I love you so...
in your arms now, I'm feeling alright
as the long warm day slips into night...
~
walk with me
talk with me, we can
taste the rain as we stand on this
rid your worries
bid your hurries goodbye, we cry
tears of joy as we share this kiss

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N  I  G  H  T   R  A  M  B  L  I  N  G  S

oh...
come up
come down
feel the water crashing
splashing all around
I'll find this
I'll hold my head
hold my head and pray...
here
love
what else is there?
I'll explore the paths
twists and turns
winds wrath
in this second
right here
now and today
like the dance of the stars
I fumble my way to the grave
happy and free I
sleep away

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T  H  E   L  A  S  T   S  E  C  O  N  D

lying here
breathing deep the air around
cold and bare
a soul about to finally meet his time
like a symphony's end, i find my destiny
see me watch me
i am the leaf about to depart the tree
my bones frail, my heart is heavy
winds surround, pushing me forward
it becomes the last second
i peer into memories
like a box of all things i've seen
testimony to life
vehicles of hope + prayer
we carry the past in our souls
we keep it alive in our veins
love remembered in hearts asleep
~
and like a heartbeat or a shooting star
echoes of laughs and smiles
of darkest days and soul-searching
dance through my head, seeping
swimming in my blood
my eyes weep for this
blesses sliver of heaven, life
and i feel the trees singing
life's nature, like the shooting star
shining bright in our eyes
a shimmering moment in time
always giving way for what's to come
all that's been rushes forward
to what is now, like a dream in the night
and now
in the last second
i taste life
i feel life
i am life
for when yesterday i stepped into the light...
i meet the end, standing at my final night.

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a  l  l   y  o  u   h  o  l  d

a time when all you hold
comes crashing to the ground
like a falling stone,
a time when all you hold
slips away to the earth
drops dead and cold.

the world ceases its fightings
the wind carries away these writings
the questions surrender to the sky
we utter our final...goodbye

a time when all you hold
gives way, melts away
to the vast unknown
a time when all you hold
leaves this places
time and space unsewn, stories untold

the end of all you hold near
the end of all you hold dear
our spirits fully take flight
this precious day surrenders... to the night

I can't believe
with every one of these
stars made of dreams
I can't believe
of all these stars above
there's none up there for me.

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g  a  r  d  e  n   o  f    i  n  s  p  i  r  a  t  i  o  n

life
bittersweet sorrow
tears of joy
bridge the seas of today
to the oceans of tomorrow
and I've never felt this way
fears, regrets, doubts
pass away
emotions run through wild
like the eyes of the Nature's Child
skies of blue
notions of eternity
circle around here
and I'm walking through the Garden of Inspiration
this time I hold dear
the wind lift me up
warm my feet
lift my wings
thaw my spirit out
'til I'm back to the ground
in this Garden that I have found.

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w  e  a  r  y   t  r  a  v  e  l  e  r  s

you wouldn't believe how much I miss
our bodies fallen low on the grass
in flight though on the ground, looking up to the sky.
you wouldn't believe what one kiss
would do to me now
how I yearn to hear your music, see that love in your eyes...

in my eyes here
anyone can see
weary traveler I hold my head low
down on my knees,
I will wait and I will pray...
I have run too far
held my breath too long
alive just to die, now if I cry 
love
will you wash these tears away...?

I lie awake in the long quiet night
reading letters of peace and love
endlessness fills me, wondering about that someday.
and under these stars, don't we seem so close
I can feel you calm my frightened soul
in each others' arms while the summer breeze blows...
two weary travelers rest away.

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b  i  d  d  e  f  o  r  d , m  a  i  n  e

a day on the beach
the ocean surrounds
i look into your eyes
sweet angel that i...have found

the sweet breeze carries us
as we walk on our way
across sands rolling onward
the fear has...left me today, yeah...

hold me tight
set me free
i'll carry you, you can
carry me
i'll make you strong,
just wait and see...
my hands dry your eyes

i kiss you good and long
the ocean catches soft falling rain
the waves recede in your eyes
and come back...come back around again

like a dream here with you
the clouds whisper belong
slow rhythm of love we dance
as the wind...sings us its song, yeah...

hold me tight
set me free
i'll carry you, you can
carry me
i'll make you strong,
just wait and see...
my hands dry your eyes

(not done)

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~Original Songs '99
cherish
rise above
song for joanna
footprints
whitney's song

C  H  E  R  I  S  H
Sitting alone as the sweet breeze blows
Starlight shines, and moonlight glows
Thinking of all that's been with me
My eyes open wide...as I might see

Still searching for answers I cannot know
Perhaps as I live, my life will show
The good and the bad a constant race
But life as a whole...I will embrace...

This world made for us, to love and care...
This life made for us...to keep and...share...

Something of a joy comes in my eyes
A sense of greatness without size
A smile of pride hints on my face
Emptiness gone...without a trace...

This world made for us, to love and care...
This life made for us...to keep and...share...

"Sit back and relax," said the midnight sky
I spoke, but it needed no reply
A whisper of magic in the air
Glistened and shone...as I sat there...

The world outside me, still spinning fast
I held onto the moment...as it ...passed

R  I  S  E   A  B  O  V  E
Let me rise above
Let me leave my past behind
Show me what
It's all been about...

Let me come above
Let me whisk away the day
Sit in these trees I love
See these clouds in a different...
Way...

Let me breathe the wind
Let me break on all the way through
Watch me as I fly in
These bright skies of blue...

Let me rise above
Let me climb, shine on mountains steep
Taste a new life
And maybe this wind will carry me...
Higher...

Let me rise above
I'll shed my weight and then break free
I know I can show them
I'm not just what they see
Let me open these doors
Cuz when I think of you I've gotta smile
Share this kiss with me
Oh why don't you stay here for this short...
While...

Let me rise above
Let me leave my past behind
Show me what's it's been about
Yeah let me see what's...inside.

S  O  N  G   F  O  R   J  O  A  N  N  A
I remember your eyes
As sweet as can be
Deep soft brown and serene
Would they someday see me?
I remember that feeling
When you told me your mind
Everything I'd searched for...
I could finally find.

You were so beautiful, your face your eyes your hair
You were so beautiful, I thought as I sat there
The waves crashed over me, the wind was calling my name
The love was touching my soul, so I would never be the same...
Never again.

And now I'm hoping to find
Something I can feel
To let me know I'm still here
And that all this is real.
I'm hoping to find
That we mean what we say
So take my hand love
Everything will be ok...ok...

You were so beautiful, your face your eyes your hair
You were so beautiful, I thought as I sat there
The waves crashed over me, the wind was calling my name
The love was touching my soul, so I would never be the same...
Never again.

And I'll sing you a lullaby
When you're feeling like hell
Don't you know that like rhymes
We fit together so well.

F  O  O  T  P  R  I  N  T  S
I want to ride the wind
Feel my spirit blow where no one has gone before
I want to flow with the ocean
Breathe it deep
Celebrate the silence forever more...

I want to walk the paths and all the while
Keep my  head up, head up so high
I want to feel the love of this great circle of friends
Our souls all filling...
Filling the sky...

Please come with me,
Be here now,
Share this love that we have found.
Please come with me,
Let the stars be our guide,
Together we will dance until these nights...subside.

I want to feel the river come over me tenfold...
Let the water wash me clean
I want to climb the mountains, swim the falls
Keep in my heart these places that I have seen...

I want to be one with the stars
Embrace all these crashing waves, waves coming fast
I want to illuminate the night...
Play the music, beautiful as life's moments gone...
Gone past...

Please come with me,
Be here now,
Share this love that we have found.
Please come with me
Take my hand
We'll make our footprints on this beach sand...

Please come with me,
Be here now,
Share this love that we have found.
Please come with me
Take my hand
Our freedom cry will be heard throughout the land, oh...

Please come with me,
Be here now,
Share this love that we have found.
Please come with me
Take my hand
We'll make our footprints on this beach sand.

W  H  I  T  N  E  Y ' S   S  O  N  G
A day on the beach
The ocean surrounds
I look into your eyes
Sweet angel that I...have found

The sweet breeze carries us
As we walk on our way
Across sands rolling onward
The fear has...left me today, yeah...

Hold me tight
Set me free
I'll carry you, you can
Carry me
I'll make you strong,
Just wait and see...
My hands dry your eyes

I kiss you good and long
The ocean catches soft falling rain
The waves recede in your eyes
And come back...come back around again

Like a dream here with you
The clouds whisper belong
Slow rhythm of love we dance
As the wind...sings us its song, yeah...

Hold me tight
Set me free
I'll carry you, you can
Carry me
I'll make you strong,
Just wait and see...
My hands dry your eyes